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View Full Version : My rumbling tummy - By me and other people on PixelBee

Cherry Fairy
07-20-2008, 08:49 PM
I'm writing this story, and help me give tips, so I can continue this story.

In the vast Kingdom of Kichicola, there lived a lovely princess named Steven. Now, she wasn't very happy with her name, because it was a boy's name. And she was clearly not a boy.
But there was one boyish quality that Steven had, and that was her appetite (sp?)!
She always seemed to be hungry, no matter how much she ate!
And because of her eating habits, her stomach stuck out a little, making her look a little....big.
Steven never liked boys, even though she had the name of one.
One day, in Royal School for princesses and princes, Steven was rocking about in the chair, when their teacher (the duchess of Kichicola) opened the door, and a boy stepped in. He was a prince, and when the teacher annouced his name, Steven was so shocked and annoyed. He was called Steven too, and he was going to be starting in her class. HER CLASS! Why not another class? Steven THE GIRL thought.

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Please help to continue the story.


People that help write the story:

hunnybee1992
HelloKitty09
07-21-2008, 03:59 AM
Ummmm...well......You should add more details and a better intro.
lyndasis
07-21-2008, 06:53 PM
most kids tummies stick out ....
hunnybee1992
07-21-2008, 08:15 PM
is taht all?
do u have more info....and a better written intro...
no offense....but i would've written it like this:

In the vast Kingdom of [insert name of a place], there lived a lovely princess named Steven. Now, she wasn't very happy with her name, because it was a boy's name. And she was clearly not a boy.
But there was one boyish quality that Steven had, and that was her appetite (sp?)!
She always seemed to be hungry, no matter how much she ate!
And because of her eating habits, her stomach stuck out a little, making her look a little....big.
Cherry Fairy
07-25-2008, 07:16 PM
hmm...good idea.

ill edit mine, and use urs.

and besides, your supposed to help me, so i can copy and paste urs into the thread.
Ill give u credit!
hunnybee1992
08-22-2008, 06:42 PM
okay cool!
thanks! and i don't mind helping you =3

Steven the boy was quite shy - the complete opposite of Steven the girl. When he heard that he wasn't the only Steven in the class, he wondered who the other could be. While he searched, the teacher she him down next to the other Steven - the girl.
He giggled at hearing her name.
x_karinaa
08-22-2008, 07:16 PM
I would advise you to put more detail, and maybe more description (descriptive words) but other than that, it sounds quite good as a beginning.