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leelee
07-10-2007, 11:37 PM
Do u think this is a good story?








June 12, 1940
Dear Diary,

Phoenix Thompson came over today. She helped me milk our family cow Clarice. We were lucky, she usually kicks. My father got kicked in the rear once. It was quite funny.
Anyway we played with paper dolls we did the seen of Romeo and Juliet. Sierra, Phoenix’s older sister thought playing with dolls was pish-posh. Oh well who really cares.


June 13, 1940

Dear Diary,
The most scary thing happened today there were soldiers that came to our door. The wanted to know if we were Jewish. Thank God we are not. And I know for sure Phoenix
isn’t. All is okay mama says.

June 14, 1940

Dear Diary,
I heard the most awful thing on the news today. The announcer Ryan Makkerson said there was a war declared on our country. I had a hard time sleeping that night I was scared and wanted to see Phoeinx. Talk over what I heard.

June !5, !940
Dear Diary,
School is out today hooray! But earlier in the school day a girl named Fiona Hajaro was taken out of class. We heard a scream on the street. Our teacher Mrs. Kaumen started crying. She said she was killed by the German soldiers. They are so evil. Later on her little sister Iva was killed to. What was supposed to be a happy day was miserable. When I got home I told mama. She told me how wrong the soldiers were to do that. She said they had no regret of doing any of those horrible things.

June 16, 1940
Dear Diary ,
Phoenix, her mother and Sierra came over this morning. Mrs. Nancy said she had errands to run so Phoenix and Sierra stayed at my house. She said it wasn’t safe to leave them there alone. Sierra told me that a girl in her class Erica Rudy was taken out of class the fourteenth and wasn’t there the last day of school. About five minutes later we heard a scream. Mama told us to go in my room and lock the door. We heard a ruff growl of a voice and another scream this time a baby. I thought about Mrs. Larray and her infant Todd. I didn’t know if they were Jewish but I think now, that they are. We heard a gun fire three times and then all was quiet. Phoenix, Sierra and I started to cry Mrs. Larray was so nice and young. She did nothing wrong I knew but it was just her religion that made those soldiers come and kill her and, her infant just born in April had lost its life as well. Mama came back and told us it was safe to come out. She to was crying. Her and Mrs. Larray were close friends. Mr. Larray wouldn’t come back till morning. I felt very bad for him. Later Ms. Nancy came back and took Sierra and Phoenix home after mama told her about Mrs. Larray.

June 17 , 1940
Dear Diary,
When Mr. Larray came home Mama went over and told him about the soldiers and invited him to stay at our house but he said no. He said he wanted to be with his family. Later on that day we heard the same ruff voices and a gun shot. I cried for awhile. I wondered why some people are so cruel. And from that day forth I thought of the German soldiers as devils taking innocent peoples lives.

floydlover
07-11-2007, 07:19 PM
It needs a little expansion maybe, and some more description of the characters. Hmm... try reading Anne Frank's Diary of a Young Girl if you haven't already, as I have a feeling that's what you're trying to point to.

ladyfairy
07-15-2007, 07:34 PM
What is the title of the book? Usually I like fictional, history diary series like Dear America books. If it is what title, where and when.

Vayluv
07-25-2007, 04:29 AM
I'd have to agree with Floyd here. :]

keyblade1996
07-28-2007, 06:37 AM
.....................

Dizzy
07-13-2008, 09:13 PM
sence now there is a place where you can put stories, i will tell a mod to move it

Kissu
07-13-2008, 09:14 PM
ohh,
is this based on the world war 2 story?
anne frank is def. similiar to this(:
if you wanted to read more of that

its sad but good~

Ashlie
07-13-2008, 10:24 PM
It's sad about Fiona Hajaro.
Is it real?
How was Fiona Hajaro killed?
Gas chambers?
Starvation?

It's sad. Very.

Please make it longer, I'm yearning to hear the rest of it!
I voted Great!

honeybee345
12-07-2008, 07:25 PM
It was good XD
I read the books Dear Canada/Dear America

kaela1212
12-07-2008, 08:52 PM
It's good, it just needs more details and to be expanded and have an ending (even if not a happy one). It also needs better spelling and punctuation. But other than that, it's really good! =)